and breeziness is my favorite thing.
but here, i feel like its more private. i feel closer to this blog, after rereading some of my heart -to hearts with the galactic interspace. so for realness, im blogging here. hopefully, you wont be annoyed...
also before i get going, i would like to give you this disclaimer: i believe that punctuation is arbitrary (as my friend luke affirmed). and therefore, i do not, EVER, honor it in my blog. i am an english major, i know how to be grammar's best friend. but i like typing like i am speaking. so this is it. continue...
Ive been dealing with nashville life pretty nicely lately. vanderbilt, i love it, to death and im getting tears in my eyes thinking about leaving it, but its really effing hard. and its screwing up my life.
but over break, i was dying to come back. my home is here now. nashville, is it for awhile. I think it took my parents divorce and jake moving here to really solidify that– my home, that past place in bayonne, has changed too much to still hold the same weight.
little rock will always be my hometown, but its always painful. some memories are great, i love driving past the church at the bottom of rahling and thinking that this place is mine and jakes. our entire relationship came from that parkinglot. and i love being at the fess's house. its my other home, and that will never change. they are my other family, and the two people (besides jake) that know every inch of me. i can call bek and sob and i know she'll stop whatever she's doing and cry with me (even without me having to explain). I remember the summer of hell 08, when i hadnt eaten for weeks, id just come back from going to see jake, i had finally told my dad i couldnt handle him anymore, and bek just sat down on my bed, crying, (when i was being funny about this boy) and said, "it just makes me so sad, sarah. everything just hurts my heart so much for you."
and sarah, well sarah, is sarah. and if you dont know her, you're missing out on the greatest person in this world. she's the most amazing, funny person i know. and i get such a vanity kick out of being her best friend.
i cant imagine having two better friends. we've been besties since we were little, and when i go home they are the two that matter the most. every difficult thing in my life, ive gone through with them. when jake and i broke up, they came and got me, took me to sonic, sarah drove bek and i around while we screamed dashboard in the backseat, and when i just wanted my sweatshirt (the one jake gave me in the 9th grade) they took me back home to get it, and then we drove around some more. when my dad told me he was leaving my mom, i couldnt get to their house fast enough. and they cried with me for hours in their car, in their driveway.
they're the ones i cried with about my mom moving on. my dad being awful. the only ones i called from scotland. i know they are both considering moving here. and its one of those things where i would legitimately be beside myself everyday if one or both of them did. but i cant let myself think about it. not that it matters, ill be perpetually disappointed if they dont. thats unavoidable.
whoops, this was not where this post was supposed to be going. i was going to write an uplifting post about being accepted to Teach for America, and about how Im excited to have a job here, especially when employment is so bleak. i guess its not too late.
So, on thursday i was accepted to teach for america in the 2010 corps in nashville. If i hadnt been given nashville, it would have been difficult. Jake moved here for me. and he is in film school here for another several years. the least thing i can do is stay put. so i am.
anyways, Ill be teaching ESL (english as a second language) to elementary students in a low income, low performance school in innercity nashville.
I decided awhile ago that I wanted to be intentional with my life. I have the luxury of not having to survive. and what i mean is, for alot of people, any kind of job will, and has to, work. it doesnt matter if its their dream or not, they need it to pay the bills. now, im not saying that i would never have to work if i didnt want to, thats not it at all. but god has provided for my family in tremendous ways, and i dont ever want to get comfortable working a job, that i dont think matters. I love routine far too much, to know for sure that I can be incredibly complacent. with my 200,000 dollar education, ive been given so much. and i just always want to push myself to be worthwhile. im so keen on settling. or being settled. i like routine. but almost to a fault. anyways. knowing these things about myself has made me aware of my need to force myself to be uncomfortable, to take risks, and be tired and illusioned to the point of disillusionment. i just want to live A life. i want to be out there, you know. and i want to make a fucking difference. im not a dreamer, im a huge realist. so---- changing the landscape of american education, showing kids that their education matters, to me and to their futures---tfa, here i come.
jake and i have a fantastic dream. we want to do the peace corp together after we get married. a two year honeymoon is what we like to call it. its not so much a dream though, its just on the to do list.
jake and i both want a different life than normal, and different from what we had growing up. i want my kids to see and know the world intimately, not just little rock. not just nashville. not just anywhere. it would be cool to have every kid be born in a different country... or at least, we think so.
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